I love making resolutions. Despite my terrible follow through.
Unfortunately, I have not been known for Keeping many. Which seems to be a critical element in the Making of them. As soon as I make a resolution, either my tragic lack of will power or a loss of interest gets me. I am a weak creature.
It’s a habit I seem to have perfected. Anytime I promise myself that “I’ll work out!” or “Won’t drink anymore caffeine” or “I WILL EAT ALL THIS KALE!” I fall off the wagon. Usually in a big tiramisu induced, espresso driven, Pride and Prejudice marathon kind of way. I know that these “standard go to’s” are the silly, clichéd, and empty promises that everyone (at some time or another) makes to him or herself.
Okokokokok. This we know.
But the cores of these resolutions are true. They are aimed at healing one’s relationship to food, to health, to happiness. Which is a relationship I would very much like to improve. Right? This is good talk.
So why am I giving it another go around? Same old song and dance, right? EVERYONE and their Great Aunt Susan’s are writing about resolutions, and empowerment and quinoa salad. But just gimme a second to work this out…
This year is a big year for me. It’s the first year I get to meet the world Head On, not as a “student” or as a “kid” or as a blissful floater in between responsibilities, but as a Young Woman. Oh, how Life got real. Student loan repayments, moving plans, words like “career”, “publishing houses”, and “high residency MFA programs” are serious things I say, not just the quotables I played with while sitting in a coffee shop at 3 in the morning with my friends, safely shrouded under the protection of “Undergrad”.
I guess my intrigue with this season of resolution concerns “the importance of conviction”, of self-induced empowerment. Harnessing the qualities in ourselves, that make us better folk.
My Challenges on this (most auspicious) New Year are these:
1.) Financial Frugality. Know where my money is going and why. I found in doing this, that I waste and AWFUL lot of money. And waste is not acceptable. In any capacity.
2.) Transfer/Relocation Plan of Action. Boston 2012, or BUST! (hopefully it will be the former and not the later that comes true)
3.) Treat Myself like a Friend. My sister gave me the idea for this one, and I thank her for it. Think about how harsh and mean and cruel we are to ourselves. We say things in our heads that we would never say to our friends. We discourage ourselves in ways that we would NEVER discourage our friends. I want to love myself like I love my friends—unconditionally. I want to show my body I love it with the food I nourish it with, the places I take it, and the things I do with it. It is my happiness.
4.) Feed my mind. I am proud of this goal because I have kept it for some time. It started right before Graduation. I was worried that after I left school I wouldn’t read anymore, I won’t inquire, that all my curiosities would be dulled or worse, they’d be lost. But I am happy to say that my curiosity has sharpened considerably. I have come to find that education doesn’t stop after leaving the classroom. A commencement ceremony is just that, “a journeying out into the world at large to seek and to find, and to grow and enrich your mind and the minds of others”.
It’s pleasing to see goals written down. It’s far easier to manage the thoughts of sabotage when you feel, in your heart, a kind of affection for the truths you’ve written.
I wish you all time to listen to the echoing depths. It is an indecipherable conversation, but as Gertrude Stein said “We can only know ourselves knowing the truth”. Which relieves the pressure for articulation.
At least I hope it does.
All my love these final days of the year and far into the next,