I wanted to apologize for my behavior- the tantrums, the pseudo-control freak tendencies, the shaking fists towards the heavens, the despair. I didn’t see you, universe, working out the kinks, knowing that things would happen in their own time. You were just hanging out, rolling your eyes, shaking your head, sighing, and watching me be a melancholic turd.
Well, universe, i got the news. The package in the mail. The ticket east. And i thank you. Without this year of transition, i would have missed so much.
*portobello mushroom caps with walnuts and gorgonzola, roast chicken and potatoes
She has been the best roommate ever. I will miss all our dinners, our porch wine drinking, our Modern Family watching, our impulsive adventuring, our farmers marketing. Universe, thank you for giving me the most amazing mother. She doesn’t even know how remarkable she is…
Thank you for this year of galavanting around with my little brother. I am so happy i got to know him as he blossoms into himself. He is such a cool dude, Universe. You know this. I am so lucky that this year gave me time with him, he is one of my best friends.
I thank you for keeping me in the one place i was so eager to run away from. When i would have done ANYTHING to prevent staying in Colorado, you, universe, put me right where i needed to be. Yes, i see you wanted me to appreciate this place. I had to drive past those mountains every. single. day. and Universe, i’ll be damned, but the things actually grew on me. They are spectacular. Statuesque. Constant. and (i can’t believe i’m saying this) i think i might even miss them when i leave. They have always shown me west. They have always led me home.
For five years i got to have a cuddly friend who has a fondness for ice cream, and spilled wine, and moth hunting. I will miss reading poems aloud so she curls up on my lap. I will miss her crossed eyes when she tries to tell me something. I will miss her excitement over paper balls. I thank you that she gets to stay here, in a safe place where she is happy. One day universe, i want her back… she’s the coolest.
And for all the people who have crossed my path- new friends, old friends, dear friends, lost friends- i have learned something from each one. Whether about myself, or about other people, or communicating, or italian, or bread baking, or jam making. There is a life pulse in memories. I can feel it.
Dear Universe, what i’m trying to say is this: I’m ready for this great adventure.
For all the overwhelming newness, and heartbreak, and beauty. Bring it on.
This is what i have been taught–to believe in myself. to trust in myself. and to be proud of that person.
See you on the East side…
“If i could share with you the beauty of the world
well then, my friends, how envious you’d be-your thirst for life!”